1. My fingers shake when you hold my hand and my lips taste like whiskey when they should taste like cherry lip gloss and I reek of cigarette smoke but you always smell like roses.
2. I spend more time with my head bent over a toilet bowl than I do in your arms and I can’t make eye contact with you without feeling like my scars are gonna burst open again.
3. I’ve kissed more vodka bottles good morning than there are letters in both our names combined.
4. You’re sad and I’m drunk or high or both and I know you’ve called twelve times but if I pick up I won’t know what to say.
5. I may have been there last night and I may have loved every part of you with every fiber of my being, but today is a new day and I’ve never been good at keeping promises.
6. I can’t believe anything you say because I’m so used to spitting out lies at casual lovers. I haven’t learned that love is anything but casual.
7. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and I won’t wish I was dead, but until then I won’t be able to touch you without crying.
Last Wednesday somebody asked me how I got so empty and I guess that’s when I realized that I’ve been losing little bits of myself everywhere I go. I think the other day, when I saw that little girl smiling in the mall, some part of me spilled out onto the fucking food court floor when it hit me that the last time I smiled like that was the night you fell asleep with your arms around me. And when I saw that couple making out in the back of the movie theater, grabbing each other like they would die if they didn’t, I touched my lips and tried to taste you again and I felt like I was going to throw up when I realized it’s been 6 months since you kissed me and I had a little more of myself dripping from my chest onto my t-shirt and getting all over those goddamn movie theater seats. There are pieces of me scattered all over but I think most of them are still in your apartment.